Much has changed since the arrival of dating apps for our fingertips. We can all imagine an entire Sex and the City episode dedicated to Samantha swiping on an app and meeting up with different men throughout the day to have sex at different locations. In these modern days, there is no reason for anyone to spend any night of the week alone because all you have to do is swipe, ask your match to meet up and just like that, you are off your couch and sitting on a bar stool, a chair at a restaurant, or your date’s couch.

Every now and then, you meet a couple and ask how they met. They both blush and say, “We met on (insert a dating app.)” And for a split second, hearing this gives you hope, that you too have a chance at finding love with the touch of a finger, while sitting and swiping on the toilet. So you open the “dating” folder on your phone and start opening each app one by one and begin swiping away.

Let’s look at old school courtship versus modern day dating.

Old School: Getting the courage to ask for your crush’s number.


Today: Swiping without even looking…(guys, you know who you are!)

automated swiping

Old School: Being nervous before picking up the phone and asking your crush on a date.


Today: Sending the same cheesy one-liner to 10 matches at the same time.


Old School: Meeting your crush and trying to impress them.


Today: Meeting your crush and already thinking about your next date lined up for tomorrow.


Old School: Saying “I’ll call you” after the date…and they never call.


Today: Saying “I’ll text you” and they disappear and go back to swiping…with their cat.

cat with phone

I think it is time we stop playing games and figure out what it is we want from dating apps. Here is your guide to finding love.

1. Set up a goal – what are you trying to achieve on the app? Is it something long-term or short-term and fun? Stay focused and be upfront about it.
2. Find that balance between being too judgmental versus too unselective.
3. The sooner you get off the app and meet the person, the better. Send a few messages, keep it light, ask some questions that are important or deal breakers for you before deciding to meet in person and go for it!
4. TIP: If you start dating someone from any app, unmatch with them immediately. This will save you a lot of drama when your date starts questioning you about being active on the app 30 minutes before your second date. Trust me, you will thank me later.

Advice for men: We all know your swiping strategy…and it’s really not that genius or sexy. You focus on quantity versus quality. It’s sweet that you give everybody a chance but you are not a charity case. Focus on what you want to achieve. Stop swiping everybody because at the end of the day, you don’t even have the time or energy to chat with everyone you matched with. You might have even missed the love of your life! Oh well, there is always another day of swiping. TIP: Do not ask your date to come over to your place five times after she already said no to your nightcap suggestion.

Advice for women: We are much more selective and sometimes this backfires for us because we are too quick to swipe left if there is a teeny, tiny thing that we dislike (like a guy’s outfit – come on, can surely be improved) and we convince ourselves that this guy is not our soulmate because of some ugly shoes in his picture. The truth is, nobody knows or can tell anything by a picture until you meet that guy or girl in person.

I’m sure I speak for both sexes when I say that we’ve all been fooled by pictures and had too high of expectations, while at other times we were completely surprised by the connection we made with charming people whose pictures you wouldn’t ever consider swiping right.

Can we actually swipe to find real love? Absolutely. Have a positive outlook! After all, dating apps are nothing more than an additional platform for us to put ourselves out there, swipe and hope that we find love at the first, second or 100th swipe.

This is the third in an advice series on do’s and dont’s from Sonya Kreizman and Natasha Nova, co-founders of Jewish dating app JCrush. Follow their Instagram page Crush&Date for more advice.